Every Tuesday Instagram is flooded with the famous hashtag
“transformation Tuesday” Its where most woman post pictures of themselves in
bikinis or gym clothing showing off all the weight they had lost, or the muscle
they had gained.
I have a picture like that too:
The left was me at age 10 the right was me around 12-13.
When I was 12-13 I was getting so many compliments from peers and friends
telling me how great I looked. Or how healthy and skinny I had become. They
said they envied me for being able to get so thin. And asked how I did it. But I
couldn’t tell them the truth. I lied and said I just had a fast metabolism, or
it was from my vigorous dance schedule.
But for me, and a lot of other woman, a thinner body does
not mean a healthier body or person. For me it meant the exact opposite.
My “perfect body” came from starving every day, and
compulsively exercising on top of that. I was slowly destroying myself. It
became a body with lost periods, a weakened heart and other weakened organs. It
became a body that lost hair and developed dry skin and brittle nails. It
became a body that constantly gave out on me.
It looked like I finally had the body that would make my
life perfect and amazing. Not only was I extremely weak and fatigued, I didn’t
see what other people saw when they looked at me. I still, saw a fat girl. Instead of this new body giving me everything
I desired, it did the opposite.
I didn’t only lose weight. I lost friends, boyfriends, jobs,
my health, my integrity, my passion for life, and so much more. I spent years
in and out of hospitals and treatment centers for my anorexia. I thought for so
long that losing weight would make me happy, which was really what I craved.
But in the end, it just made me hate life even more. I couldn’t stand living with this constant
battle in my head of whether or not to put the fork to my mouth. I couldn’t
tolerate the constant obsession with calorie counting and exercising and sizes
and weight. I became a prisoner in my own body. All for a peace of mind I never
got.
I would give anything to be the girl on the left again.
I would love to go back to before my eating disorder
started. To be that carefree girl who exercised only when she felt like it, or for
enjoyment. Who had an amazing and bright future ahead of her. Who could eat a slice of pizza without a
second thought.
Next time you see a before and after picture, think before
you comment. Remember you don’t know what they did to get there. You don’t know
what struggles that woman is facing, what her life is like, what her story
is. You don’t know anything other than
her size or body shape.
Our society focuses too much on skinny. We praise those who
lose weight like they just won a gold medal at the Olympics. When young girls
see how important weight loss is, they can fall down the slippery slope of an
eating disorder. Because what girl doesn’t want to be liked, popular and
appreciated?
Look beyond the outside. The transformations we aim for
should be growing as a human being in our soul, dreams, maturity, and skills.
That is what we should be teaching children, because what’s inside is what
makes them who they are. Our bodies will eventually decay, but our spirit lives
on.
And maybe one day I’ll be the girl on the left again. Not
necessarily her size, but her spunkiness, joy, and happiness.
