I am trying.

"Don't do that. Don't tell me I'm not trying. I swam through 12 oceans and drowned in every single one of them. But each time the water seeped into my lungs and the fish started swimming in my bloodstream I spat it all up and kept swimming. I am not a life raft I will not pop in the middle of the ocean. I AM A DAMN SHIP, and I promise I will make it to the shore, ALIVE." 

So today I found out some disturbing news. I am not allowed back at rosewood. And I didn't find out in the most appropriate way. I was sent via ambulance to the hospital from there for passing out Nd being unconcious for a period of time. Found out a lot of it had nothing to do with the anorexia. Yesterday a driver from rosewood comes to drop off my belongings which is a statement  in itself that I am not welcome back. Got the confirmation today that this is Infact true. I am " too unstable." I won't deny that at first I was devastated. But now I am in the acceptance mode. It's time to start a new chapter. Just because a treatment center gave up on me doesn't mean I have to give up on myself. This quote greatly spoke to me. I've drowned so many times and maybe I still am but I'm still doing the doggy paddle and will keep on keeping on. I will persevere and keep trying. I've come to far to throw it all away all because a company did that to me. I will rise to the occasion and conquer and maybe rub it in their faces after ;) 

So what's the next step? Once medically stable probably heading home to New Hampshire. To start a new chapter of my life. 

Everyone keep on keeping on with me :)